Buford The Woodland Pixie
by EDD17SP
Summary: A poem in which Buford is struck by Dr. Doofenshmirtz's newest inator and finally gets his greatest wish: to float around like a little woodland pixie.
1. Chapter 1

**Buford the Woodland Pixie**

**I wrote this over the course of a month on scrap paper when there wasn't anyone around at work and I had nothing else to do. I know, I'm not the greatest poet ever and the rhymes and number of syllables get a little out of hand in some places. They just sort of got away from me. I hope you all enjoy this silly tale anyway. I did the best I could.**

_Part 1_

T'was on a day quite warm and clear  
In Danville, USA  
When Agent P was called again  
To go and save the day.

But him this tale is not about  
That suave, teal monotreme.  
Instead it rests upon living out  
A certain young man's dream.

As Perry left to fight his foe  
His owners rested on their tree  
Awaiting the arrival of their friends  
Isabella, Baljeet, and Buford makes three.

"Watchadoin'?" Isabella asked  
As she entered through the side.  
"Are you guys up to something,  
Or did you not decide?"

"You're just in time," said Phineas  
His eyes lit up with delight.  
"We've tossed around a thing or two,  
But so far nothing's taken flight."

Buford stifled back a yawn  
On the grass he took a seat.  
"Wake me up when you've got a plan.  
'Till then, I'll be going back to sleep."

Across the way in downtown  
Perry was feeling quite perturbed.  
Again he had been captured  
In that building shaped like Ferb.

He struggled with his bindings  
But he could not get free  
And so he had no choice  
But to hear out Dr. D.

"Do you like my new inator, Perry?"  
Doof asked his nemesis.  
"Would you like to hear 'bout what it does?  
It's just the bestiest!"

Perry, of course, could not respond  
So Doof continued to boast.  
"It warps reality to let a person  
Do whatever they want most.

It doesn't matter how unlikely,  
Or how ludicrous their pining.  
Matter will change even if unnatural  
Which…may cause a little whining.

Now what _I_ want most is power  
And to cause mass hysteria  
So I'll just blast myself  
And I'll finally take over the ENTIRE TRI-STATE AREA!"

Now Agent P, he didn't flinch  
For he'd heard it all before.  
He just simply sat and watched  
As Doof moved across the floor.

The man flicked a couple switches  
And the machine began to hum.  
But moving 'round he bumped it.  
It fired, the kickback like a gun.

Heinz looked surprised as the inator jumped.  
"Whoops! That thing is touchy!"  
But his surprise turned into fear  
When he saw that he'd struck Perry.

Perry got what he'd wanted most,  
Which was to escape his trap.  
He leapt toward Dr. Doofenshmirtz  
And to his face he gave a slap.

Stumbling back, Doof hit the device.  
It spun to face suburbia.  
The beam shot out once again  
Toward a yard famous in summer-ia.

Unaware of what streaked toward them,  
The gang chatted idly.  
"So what should we do today?"  
Asked 'Jeet. "Something new, ideally."

Phin thought hard. "Ferb, I forget.  
Have we yet done Spring-mer?"  
"We've not," Ferb said. They knew not  
That they'd disturbed poor Buford's slumber.

"A water slide? A go-kart track?"  
These Isabella suggested.  
But still the boys remained unsparked  
By the ideas that their friends requested.

Buford covered up his ears  
Trying to muffle out the din.  
"Invent a new word? Or number?  
A machine to give my hair a trim?"

"Play with boomerangs? A game of catch?"  
"Raise from birth a lost wolf pup?"  
"Bumper cars? Giant chess?"  
"Will you guys please SHUT UP?!"

The outburst came from Buford  
Who was feeling rather miffed  
And all the while regretting  
The sleep he'd last night missed.

"What is your problem, Buford?"  
We're just trying to have fun!"  
"Well, could you do it quietly?  
At least 'til my nap is done?"

Izzy frowned. "If you're so tired  
Then why did you even come?  
You should have stayed at home in bed  
The shades drawn to block the sun."

Maybe I should've!" he snarled back.  
"I didn't get much sleep last night!  
And you guys aren't any help,  
And neither is the stupid sun!"

"That didn't rhyme," Phin pointed out.  
"You've wrecked the poem's flow.  
If you're gonna be so grumpy,  
Then maybe you should go."

"Fine! I will!" the bully snapped.  
"Some friends you turned out to be!"  
"But when I'm not around  
You'll miss me being here! You'll see!"

But when he stood, he was struck  
By a light ray, green and queer.  
The gang all gasped, for before their eyes  
Buford had disappeared!

_**To be continued...**_

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	2. Chapter 2

**Time for the continuation!**

**Part 2**

The gang let out a gasp  
Shocked at what they'd seen  
Their eyes locked on the spot  
Where Buford last had been.

"What has happened? Where is Buford?"  
Baljeet asked with a shriek.  
The nerd was so confused and scared  
That he could barely speak.

"I don't know," Phineas said  
"But I'll bet that we can find him.  
A Buford tracker is what we need.  
Quick! Before the trail goes thin!"

So to the garage the four friends ran  
Unaware of what was down below.  
Their friend the bully was in the grass  
Not looking much like usual, though.

He'd shrunk down to just one inch  
And wore a leaf for a cloak.  
Upon his feet he wore some shoes  
Made from the bark of oak.

But of it all, his size or clothes  
Was yet the strangest thing  
For on his back were two pairs  
Of semi-transparent wings.

"Whoa! What the heck happened?"  
Buford wondered to himself aloud.  
"I shrunk! And I look like a pixie!  
Give me a break, for cryin' out loud!"

But his own words didn't register  
At least not right away.  
But when they did, he smiled  
For this just made his day.

"I don't believe it! I'm a woodland pixie!  
It's my dream come true!  
Now I can float around  
Just like I've always wanted to!"

So Buford tried his wings.  
He could make them flap with ease  
And when he lifted off the ground  
They blew a gentle breeze.

Up and up the bully went  
To the top of the big tree.  
He alighted on the highest branch  
To see what he could see.

The world spread out before him  
Quite grandiose and splendorful.  
"Wow…I guess I never realized  
That Danville was so beautiful."

And off he went, soaring away  
Carried aloft by the wind  
Over roads and trees, streams and creeks,  
So fun to dip and climb and bend.

And all the while, his friends worked hard  
Building a machine to track him down  
Determined to find that long lost kid  
Whether he be in the sky, sea, or ground.

"I think that'll do it," Phineas declared  
Holding up the device for the others to see.  
"Now we just need some Van Stomm DNA  
And this will lead us to wherever he be."

Asked Isabella, "Without Buford himself,  
Just how are we to find  
A suitable sample of his  
Deoxyribonucleotides?"

"You might check inside my ear."  
Baljeet grimaced at the thought.  
"He wet-willed me this morning."  
The earlier disgust to him shivers brought.

With syringe in grasp and gentle hand  
Ferb moved to Baljeet's side  
And just like that, pulled a sample  
From where Buford's spittle hides.

As the device analyzed the spit,  
Isabella shivered. "That is so gross."  
But Phineas did not hear her.  
"Got him! And actually, he's close…"

* * *

In Danville Park, a Pixie played  
And that can only mean Buford, of course  
Utilizing his new tiny size  
He'd mounted the neck of a squirrel like a horse.

"Ya! Ya!" he yelled with delight  
Urging on his furry steed  
Never before in all his life  
Had Buford ever felt so free.

And then without a warning  
The squirrel came to a stop.  
Confused as to the reason  
It's head Buford climbed atop.

The furry-thing's sight seemed to be  
Affixed to something quite afar:  
An orange-haired, long-necked girl  
Climbing from shotgun of Jeremy's car.

The squirrel twitched with such delight  
For every one like it was aware  
That a brilliant time was to be had  
Giving Candace Flynn a scare.

Buford knew of Candace's fear  
(as a fan of 2 Guyz N the Parque)  
He could tell the squirrel was ready.  
"Let's go get her!" Van Stomm barked.

Two teenagers were meanwhile  
On a peaceful morning stroll  
Unaware of one prankster pixie  
Questing for the perfect troll.

"Ah," sighed Candace, "Danville Park.  
Always such a calming place."  
"It's sure relaxing," Jeremy agreed.  
"Feels free in all the open space."

Creeping along without a sound  
Buford and squirrel stalked the pair,  
Awaiting the perfect moment  
To bestow their evil scare.

Passing the pond, the moment came,  
Their target still unaware.  
So Buford spurred the squirrel to jump  
And it grabbed onto Candace's underwear!

"Yaaaaahh!" She screamed in fright.  
"Squirrel in my skirt! Squirrel!"  
Some screaming, some flailing, and Candace fell  
Into the pond in a panicked whirl.

**_To be concluded..._**

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	3. Chapter 3

**I'm sure you're just hanging on the edge of your seats for the conclusion (haha, yeah right.) So, here you go.**

**Part 3**

"Quick! This way, gang!"  
To his friends Phin urged.  
They stayed hot on his heels  
Heeding Phineas's words.

The locale of Danville Park  
Was where the gang had sped  
For this was the place  
Where the tracker had led.

"I still am finding it  
Difficult to figure out  
Just how so quickly  
Buford changed his whereabouts."

Baljeet's remark on Buford  
Brought a reply from Phin.  
"I don't know, but we can ask  
When at last we find him."

Hopping mad and dripping wet  
Candace was helped from the pond  
And when we she searched for her attacker  
She found they long had gone.

"Stupid squirrels," she growled  
As Jeremy helped her dry.  
"They'll give me such a scare  
On the spot, someday, I'll die."

Meanwhile, across the water,  
A paddling, chittery, furry critter  
Still carried on its hairy back  
A hysteric, cackling pixie passenger.

"Ha ha!" Thanks, squirrel! Great show!  
That's the best prank ever played!"  
But as he looked out at the shore  
He shuddered in dismay.

On the bank stood four kids  
That Buford knew quite well  
And he could tell they searched for him.  
He muttered to himself, "Swell.

I can't let 'em find me!  
I think it's time I got gone!"  
He flapped his wings, leapt off the squirrel  
Then like a rock fell in the pond.

His wings, soaked with water,  
Would not let Buford fly.  
And now deeper they dragged him.  
Without air, he would die!

_No! Not like this! _He thought  
As his lungs burned in pain  
_I'd give anything up  
__To be my old self again!_

"Well, this can't be right.  
Why our tracker right here  
Says Buford's within twenty feet  
But I see him not near…"

Where platypi fight nemesi,  
An inator long exploded  
Still held juice within its cells  
And a short circuit over-loaded.

The twisted up emitter  
Fired off one shot wild.  
The blast streaked to the park  
And one endangered child.

Just when Bufe thought he was gone  
Strength he suddenly found  
He paddled up and surfaced  
With the grace of some drenched hound.

He gasped and panted, catching breath  
And noticed in himself a change.  
He seemed to have been resized.  
The feeling was quite strange.

"Hey! I'm me!" Buford cried  
"My same old self! I'm back!"  
He was back to his old height  
And former clothes, shirt black.

T'was Isabella who caught sight  
Of their missing friend treading water.  
"There he is! In the pond!  
…like some giant, ugly otter."

They all called out to him  
And Bufe recalled his friends.  
They'd sought him out despite his acts  
It was time to make amends.

The bully paddled over;  
His friends helped him stand.  
"Buford, we were so worried!  
We tracked you as quick as we can!"

These words were from Phineas  
The next came from Baljeet.  
"We missed you so much!  
Even your constant drive to eat."

"Where did you go?" Isabella asked  
"How'd you magically disappear?"  
But Buford just blushed  
As his friends talked off his ear.'

Finally, as his embarrassment grew:  
"Guys, I'm sorry I did what I did.  
You don't deserve such rebuke.  
You're such great friends, quite splendid.

I shouldn't have snapped."  
But his friends could just smile.  
"It is alright. Just glad you are okay.  
After all, you were gone quite a while."

Buford almost could cry. (almost)  
"You're the best, more than I could say."  
"Don't mention it, Buford. Now c'mon!  
I know what we're gonna do today!"

Buford could only smile.  
His friends really were the best.  
He knew that he could count on them  
Whatever happened next.

So ends the tale of Pixie Buford;  
It was short to say the least.  
The story of the pixified  
Adolescent man-beast.

Home was where the gang returned  
With Buford, the former woodland fairy.  
They entered the yard and Phineas said,  
"Oh, there you are, Perry."

"Ngrgrgrgrgr."

The End

**I hope you all enjoyed this rather silly tale about my favorite character to write for. Reviews are greatly appreciated. **


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